haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
