in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
