Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm always down for nudity.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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