dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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