i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
