woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
