There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
