I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
