I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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