i just wanna soil my oats bro
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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