She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
