You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
