In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
