Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
