Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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