I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
