I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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