i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's like heaven, but drunker
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
