the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
