dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
