3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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