"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
