his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
