ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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