i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
