You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this boner is exhausting
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
