i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
