Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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