remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize