I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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