The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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