Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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