Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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