the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
