Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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