Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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