Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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