Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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