Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
