...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
