Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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