Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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