i think my mom watched the whole time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
