dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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