If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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