addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
