So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
