We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A+ Viking dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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