i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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