Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
