i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
