they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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