somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
