He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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