what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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