My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
