I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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