so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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