im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
