i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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