he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So much rum. So many feels.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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