Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
