It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
