i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
