yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
