bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think brook has ever known best
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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