I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
