Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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