Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
