So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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